*Contains MAJOR spoilers for the episode*

Grey’s Anatomy said goodbye to someone near and dear to them last night: Dr. Derek ‘McDreamy’ Shepherd.

For weeks, the hashtag #WhereIsDerek trended on Twitter, aprompting fans to wonder if Derek was cheating on his wife.

The car accident in the promo of tonight’s ‘How To Save A Life’ episode actually involved a mother and her little girl, and two teenagers. Both groups survived the crash, and Derek befriends the little girl. What fans certainly didn’t expect was the huge-ass truck that went barrelling into Derek’s car. I’m telling you, I let out the loudest screech. My heart literally dropped to the floor. I had this horrible gut feeling: I knew something terrible was going to happen tonight.

Due to the inexperienced doctors at the E.R. that Derek was transported to, an abdomen bleed took importance over a CT scan that would have ultimately saved his life. When they put Derek under anesthesia, I literally threw my mug at the wall (and yes, it shattered). Never have I ever been so angered while watching a show. I expected more from the doctors. THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO, for God’s sake. They should have listened to the female doctor when she pushed to get a CT scan first! Was it because she was a woman? Was that why no one listened to her??? But then again, shouldn’t the male doctor have known to do a CT scan first? Derek exhibited OBVIOUS signs of a head trauma, and a CT scan would have definitely showed that he had a brain bleed. Derek said it himself (in his head): he was stable, so there was time for that CT.

My raging emotions were not curried by the flashbacks. All the adorable MerDer moments were replayed; their first kiss, their house, Zola, little Bailey. The one flashback, where Meredith is able to hug and talk to Derek while he’s lying in the hospital bed, really got to me. I thought it was real. I truly thought that he had survived and was going to be okay. I really hoped my gut feeling was wrong, but with Shonda Rhimes as the writer, I should have known better.

Ultimately, Derek did pass away, with Meredith by his side and Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars playing in the background.

There were a lot of “what if’s” for this episode. What if Derek had been transported to Grey Sloan Memorial? What if Derek had ignored the phone call and drove off first? What if he had taken another route? Would he have lived?

“It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” Not anymore. Not without you, Dr. Shepherd.

Information was leaked out through social media on Thursday after images of the upcoming issue of Entertainment Weekly surfaced on Instagram. The issue featured a photo of Dempsey and the headline was “The Doctor is … Out,” suggesting that the character dies or abruptly leaves the show, which should’ve been a telltale sign, I guess. And ABC announced a schedule change next week’s line up, with a two-hour episode of Grey’s set for next week, pushing Scandal’s season finale to May 14 instead than May 7. Well played, Shonda Rhimes, well played indeed.

A poll on Hollywood Life asked fans whether or not they believed that Dempsey’s character would die in the upcoming episode: 63.94% said yes while 36.06% answered no.

Entertainment Weekly has since apologized for the spoiler in a statement : “We are surprised that an EW subscriber may have received their issue a day earlier than planned. We always try our best to bring readers exclusive news first. We would like to apologize to fans of the show that learned the news ahead of time.”

The killing of Derek was definitely a bold move. What happens next? How will Amelia and the rest of the Shepherd family react to this? And what about the staff of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital? Will Grey’s Anatomy get a 12th season?

I want to wish Patrick Dempsey well in whatever he decides to do next. The next few episodes of Grey’s are definitely going to be tearjerkers.

What was YOUR reaction to this roller coaster of an episode? How many tissues did you need? Let us know in the comments below!